I respect men..Its my choice.

Kindly add "My Choice"in your mind  to every sentence I wrote. I feel the word will be a substitute to "Lame" for some days so I don't want to type it.:-) #Mychoice.

I said No Dowry, and men supported it in matrimonial websites. I respect men.

.

I have many male friends from work and school who are not sexual offenders or lecherous stalkers. I respect men.

I thank every auto driver or a cabbie who drops me safe at home. I respect men.

I stay in a relation even if it has overwhelming moments, stress and strain sometimes. I respect the relation and honour the promises I make. I respect men.

I am inspired by many male achievers. I respect and learn from men.

I avoid spending on myself for my family's needs at home, just like my fellow women and men,.I love my home. 

I knew a baby would mean delay of my ambitions. Still went ahead. I respect life and my partner's love for kids. What was that in the video about it? More than an option or will, it's responsibility. Kindly don't go on lame about unborn babies for fame in videos as if you aren't responsible for it. It's not a unilateral decision.

If you were to have sex outside marriage, or can love only temporary, and lust forever, it's your choice, or problem rather, please don't try to anoint all womankind with those precious oils of wisdom, do follow it in your own life. We, the ordinary, not famous though depressed women, may not be loose, though we are strong.

Women's liberation does not require immorality, negligence or insensitivity towards others. I always fight for women's rights but condemn treating men like idiots. That will totally defeat the purpose of gender equality.

As a woman I totally agree that we have suffered shabby treatment for ages, but I never support treating others bad. It's a shame that women are raped in this country, but there are infinite number of men who opposed sick views about us. Men are not demons. They are human, and they will support women in all the way they can, sometimes bend backwards to make us happy. 

For every rapist ,there are 1000's who taught a lesson to eve teasers.

For every dowry killer, there are many men who happily sacrifice their needs to treat wife like  a queen.

There are special privileges for us at work place, policies framed by guys.

I respect men and am very proud of it. Its My Choice.


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Part 2- Comparison -The enemy of happiness

Two beggars were looking at a rich man who had 10 crores worth wealth.He hurled abuses at these beggars and walked away.
One consoled another saying "Just asked God to give both of us ten crores each to make us equal to him. God will soon give us."
The other one laughed loudly. When asked the reason for his happiness, he said "With the 100 rupees I have, I will be richer than him with 1 crore 100 rs"!
That is happiness in his comparison :-)

All of us have learnt about the "Keeping up with the Jones's "Syndrome.
Peer pressure...It's every child's nightmare to be compared to the neighbor's kid who scores more.
Couples' fights start with comparing.
A colleague's promotion leads to sick leave by another aspirant.
From IITs and IIMs to local chai dukaan, comparison exists everywhere.
First we ignore it, slowly, it gets a plush leather sofa in our minds, leaving us restless.

As I mentioned earlier, I was a miserable kid.my family never compared us with any others, but I secretly did,  and belittled myself. I just wanted to make up for all the things I did not have. It made me more sad at the age when I did not have a skill, education or freedom to compete with all.
I slowly came out of that mindset, as a friend said "Every moment you spend on thinking about others, you are taking away from your own life". Back to reality in a sudden break.

Yes, many of us are addicted to comparison, feeling great or bad about it. All we can do is use our minds for our advantage.
Just learn a new aspect from people you compare yourself with. Once focus is shifted to acquiring a new quality, misery subsides.
You will be surprised to see after sometime how you are no longer in that mood to compare yourself or others with anyone in this world.
There will just be learning form the people you envy. Its really wonderful to see great people, telling yourself  "I will soon have his courage" or "I will be fit as her in a month", and doing it.
However competitive this world is, we need to know that we all have a journey of our own called life, all paths are different, but leading to the common goal of being at peace with oneself.
We have been given whatever we need on this journey, provided we plan well and execute those plans.
We have limited options, we cannot change our birth, family, looks, relatives , certain situations etc, none being in our control. But there is no one stopping us from improving ourselves, getting an additional qualification, having more friends, or changing our way of dressing.
God has written the first page of our life, filled some random pages with events, and left many others empty.
Feel free to write whatever you want ,without bothering what others are writing.

The path to happiness.-1 (The truth.)

Hi All,
Its been a really long time.All these days I was getting to hear so many opinions about happiness. From others and myself..
I am speaking only truth about happiness, which comes from my experience of life since the year 2000 as a fifteen year old teenager surrounded by uncertainties of life.
Today I can proudly say i am happy, though did not accumulate any wealth, which I still believe will be mine, soon :-).
"I dont want to be happy, I just want to be great".Priyanka Chopra smartly summed up recently.
That left me pondering.
The truth about happiness.
It will never come to you till you stop chasing it.
Look for it, you will be miserable.
Just give yourself a goal"I will work for my family better", or "I will develop a new hobby or learn new stuff". Happiness comes running to you.
Trust me  .I have been an unhappy child who saw that all her peers were happy. I was always searching for it. I spent many miserable years, lost many opportunities as I was not happy.
Miserable, gloomy, depressed, low, I have seen it all.

 I thought it will be in money, fame, success, love etc..I have tasted some of them, and now I know it has no existence other than what we give it. Its like a baby which has to be brought into existence as an individual from an unknown fetus.

The downside of this Tryst for happiness exists in the form of laziness. I have seen many people(including me) limit themselves saying"I am happy" or "I am unhappy" ignoring some important aspects of life, and repenting later .Please don't let happiness or want for it spoil your future plans.
It will be a great thing if that state of happiness stays forever, but human mind is so complex. It will fill us with regrets as bonus with unhappiness sometimes.
It made me realize that however big or small our goals are, we should never stop working on what we want with excuses of being happy or unhappy.

I have seen very successful people from close. They are happy to travel in a bus as they are in a plane. They are happy and not complaining even working in rural areas with no amenities, though they live in super luxurious homes.
I close it with a conclusion from my experience. The happiest people do not actually have the happiest life. They have just chosen to be happy, no matter what.

Inspiration and success.

Hi,
Hope all bounced back to work after a nice weekend. Hope all had a great time with their family and friends.
Time is the most crucial thing. We can either spend it waiting to get inspired, or get the work started.
The difference between those who do and those who don't is "Inspiration".
Have you noticed kids who top the class despite being from a poor family?Have you seen the others who are doing well, but do not study as their parents are not able to give him that Xbox, or get him that expensive bike?
Pay attention to the emotions of that kid there.
Inspiration, depression, feeling low, envy, unhappiness, boredom, all these our emotions. Let's keep them aside and work.They should not be a part of our daily routine, though emotions are a part of human life.
Brian Tracy's Eat That Frog is a good read. He asks us not to wait for any inspiration, rather start your work,  you then get inspired instantly.
There is no point feeling bad, uninspired or low when we can rather put that time into use by starting to work. We have to get over our emotions and feelings to get perfect results.
Emotions are not our masters. We should have control over them. Mindless crushes which go on for years, and feelings of heartbreak even after we know that person has no respect for us come under this category.
Inspirational reading is a great thing but I say, please read blogs or books for only ten minutes to get inspired, and start your working for the day.
Also, no point in watching TV and web surfing for hours trying to get inspired.Robin Sharma's take on this topic is really cool.Rather than watching celebs on Tv and increasing TRPs, why not do something for yourself?
Beware. Not following your plans for a while can make the mind really numb, and becomes a difficult pattern to get rid of.
Failure is not a bad thing at all. I have seen a pathetic example of a girl who is semi qualified for a professional course, but had a relative who constantly told her she cannot be an auditor, cannot control people etc. She was highly intelligent, but grew cowardly everyday.
Is there any need to listen to others when they speak nonsense about you? Nobody, however rich, powerful, good-looking, successful or closely related need to influence you. Let us never give anyone that privilege to control us.
It was such a pity that she fell into that trap of inferiority complex, gave up her studies and settled for a mediocre life, backed with regrets. She is miserable. Her mind knows subconsciously that she is capable of much more..She refuses to acknowledge that. Even worse, she has a spouse who gladly takes advantage of her low feelings, belittles her even more, and she never got what she wanted as she is afraid to talk back, afraid to eat alone, or be by herself.
I always maintain that the world treats you exactly the way you treat yourself.
Many are controlled by their spouse, parents, friends and superiors who belittle them. Inspiration slowly drowns itself in criticism.
Inspiration is within us.No success can keep us inspired for long. We have to create positive feelings afresh every day. 
Success and failure are just happenings. We need not judge anyone or ourselves on the basis of  what happens.
I believe God has left some things to our Will. Our birth, family etc, are not in our control, but our feelings and actions are. Our future has to be carefully thought of, as there is no point in having same regrets a couple of years later.

It is great to love what we do. It is the best gift we give ourselves.

Have an inspiring week ahead!

Single this Vday?

Hi,
Hope you are all doing great.
There was this much hyped Valentine's day this weekend.I am sure all enjoyed shopping, spent a great day with that special someone or with your family, gave and got nice gifts!
Still, every year, I can't help but wonder about the singletons.
I hear many of them saying how bad they feel sometimes, when they are single not by choice.
They are financially independent, great looking people, who have distinguished qualifications and careers, living in great homes, travelling all over, but some among their peers or relatives somehow succeed in making them a little sad , which is a result of jealousy over their own underachiever lives.
Sounds similar? Are you in late 20s and single or unmarried or any other situation where you have not found your perfect soulmate? Kindly read on.
Firstly, I don't know why it is called happily forever. Yes, I am gonna burst that beautiful bubble over here, and many may hate me for that. I am gonna speak the truth anyway,
Well, teenage, especially in the ending, and the early twenties could be very challenging for many.
Marriage , like every other occasion , is a part of future then.
There will be dreams of career, a great spouse and a nice lifestyle in everyone's minds in that age.
Then why do people, the society, our elders, friends, every one speak so much of a "Fairy tale romance"," A perfect life" and use such metaphors for a marriage ?
Simple.
All the other things are predictable according to the present attributes.
Our job is determined by our qualification.
There cannot be great transformation unless we go for further studies or take a bold step of career change etc.That does not excite people much.
The most unpredictable thing is that soul mate.
Thats why this concept of finding the one for you is surrounded by so much enthusiasm and energy than other events of life.

That average girl who is not admired by many may find a handsome groom.
That poor girl across the street is seen by a millionaire groom and got a grand wedding.
An averagely intelligent girl got married to that space scientist from ISRO.
A guy with no mom and a drunkard dad gets a girl who sets everything right.
Apologies, but many see "lucky girls" getting all the advantage in this relation.Which is so wrong.There is no such thing as a free lunch.

I am strictly not against marriage.I am married and have a kid too.But what I don't like is the way how this society treats people who are single after a certain age. Judging someone on the basis of their life situation is something which no religion supports. In some states of our country, girls are forcibly married off at a young age as they are considered a burden.

"May be he is a gay."
"He did not settle well, so he is single".
"She has some health issues. So no one is marrying her".
"Affairs, her affairs kept her unmarried!'
"She is career crazy, no guy will ever like her".
"She is arrogant, and lazy. Well served"
"Oh, your daughter is still single at 28??I understand your pain."
"Nowadays girls are less in number.Who will marry your 35 year old boy?"
Some odd relative from your parents second cousin clan, forges ahead to show her "concern" to your parents.Why doesn't she show that concern towards herself at a funeral..she may be next!
Such people never solve a problem if we have any.They just get some energy in their boring lives by gossiping about others.

My whole point of writing about this sensitive topic is that I have seen strong people getting affected by these unwanted comments and feeling low about themselves, which is so unnecessary.
It is great that we all congratulate those who are getting married, and it is inhuman to speak bad of  those who are not.
We don't know what the other person is going through.How right is it for the so called wise elders to demean others for not getting married, or have kids late in life, or make a decision which is different from others?
It is important to have a great relationship with ourselves first. If that is missing, we will be miserable, married or not.
Worse is the treatment belted out to divorcees, or people who separated. We worship celebs who are criminals, but cannot stand that woman in the neighbourhood who left her abusive husband.
It is ok if an actor marries thrice but that woman with a second husband seems to be a murderer.
The daughter of a divorcee will surely leave her husband too, so doesn't deserve to be married.
This aspect of  harsh treatment exists throughout the country. Growth can't be achieved if this sick attitude towards our own citizens exists. No government can curb this. The Herculean task of rebuilding attitudes is our own responsibility.

I am sure many of us who are single right now, always hear at least one of these comments.
Please don't get disheartened by what people are saying.
If you have chosen this path, be happy for yourself and just don't care for others.
There is so much of life beyond getting married.Enjoy that.
If you are searching for a soul mate, I say take your own time.It happens at 18 to some. and at 33 for others.Things will happen at the right time.
If you are ambitious, then it is a great thing that you can devote so much time for your goals now.
There is no cut-off date to get married and have kids.I know many who have kids at 30 plus and had no problems.I know girls in 20s who had small complications.

Is it really a fairy tale?No problems at all once you find that "one"?How true is that?
Yes, for the first six months. Even if we have certain problems, we forget all that, as we will be deeply in that new found bliss.
Later, we find life equally challenging as it was in our single days, perhaps more.
Financial, family wise, person wise, we will face challenges which are different from person to person. We really can't judge that.
We cannot travel with little kids sometimes. We need to live on a single income and triple expenditure when that precious little one arrives. It is no doubt a joyous journey, but it has its own share of sacrifices too.
Hobbies take a back seat. None stops us from pursuing them, but we get caught in a schedule which leaves little time and energy.
I really love Titan Raaga watches new tagline"Khud se naya rishta"..depicts what a person should think of himself or herself, single or not.
Ah, how can I forget to mention "how a marriage can set everything right?". A spouse cannot bring great growth in your job, or write exams on your behalf to get you that coveted degree. Getting married doesn't make you a wealthy person unless its a well known rich family you are going into.(Forget all those nonsense serials which portray a middle class chulbuli girl being wooed and married by a Hritik Roshan look alike. Bull shit.)


Yes, they can offer support, take care of the kid when you are away, and its indeed a good thing to have someone to care for you.
But suicide "as I am 25, and still am single"??It is a true incident.
As I don't deny the fact that its good to be married, please don't get caught in a rosy picture painted by others.
Truths:-
Very few can change their entire self into a new person for the sake of their spouse. I still did not meet any. 
In fact, many of us balance our individuality with what the spouse wants.It is so much better.
Nothing is wrong in being single.Its either a choice or situation.
Whenever you feel low about this, remember that many are dreaming of the life you are living right now, how ever it may seem to you. Your strength determines your happiness.
Perhaps you are lucky to spend some more time with your best friends,cousins, parents and pets before you get married?!

Every stage in life comes with its own challenges.Sometimes things do take time.
Ask anyone, speak to any person whom you think has achieved certain dream soon, they have another one pending for long. Life is that way. As Indra Nooyi says "You can't have it all, but can have most of it".
Single, or married, don't overthink, stay happy, love yourself, achieve what you want, be dynamic and fit, enjoy living to the fullest!
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Fitness foods:Good and Bad.

Hi,
One question I get to hear almost all the time from friends and relatives is "How to lose that unwanted fat near abs and waist?How to have just the right weight?"These questions are not from the chubby ones only.Even people who are thin face some issues like belly fat and low energy.
There are two dimensions to remaining fit.
Exercise and Diet.
The third and the least talked about in this optimistic brave faced world is Health condition of a person.You see, we hate to talk about illnesses.We usually leave a sick, or worried person to keep it a secret, rather than talk about it and lower his image in the great Society's eyes.

Move, move!
 I will share some exercise tips.I would like to talk about how important exercise is, so that it will motivate you to have a schedule of your own.
A fetus in the mom's womb starts moving around at the age of four months.The uterus is their playground.It is nature's way of providing exercise to the baby.
We all must have done it too.But as we grow older, we choose to neglect it to become couch potatoes or busy bees ,later complain of low energy and excessive weight.
Exercise for the heavier or medium built should ideally be concentrated around burning calories.
For the thin ones, it should be for a calming effect on mind, as they are more prone to stress due to poor eating habits.Consult a doctor before you start anything.

Eat right .
I was really surprised when someone said Brownies are eaten with Icecream.Yummmmmy..but is it good for the tummy? Brownies are super caloricious and delicious.Add Icecream and its a mountain of fat.Though I am too thin, I would definitely avoid it or just have three spoons of it.I remember a doc telling me that even underweight people should not consume fatty, oily stuff.Its not good for anyone.
Let's know that once in a while this stuff is alright.But we see that these foods have crept into our lifestyle and its seen as a matter of pity if someone is opposing this.Lets know that very few eatery businesses will think about your health.Diabetes and heart problems have become quiet common in the Cola generation.
For burning that belly fat,we need to strictly avoid certain foods and have healthier diet.
Avoid things which are too refined..Kindly think about the ingredients of the food you want to eat.Too many chemicals, colours ,synthetic stuff or preservatives are never good for health.


Most important
Don't reduce the amount of food drastically.Go for smaller solid  portions, six times a day, and add fruits , raw vegetable salads to diet.Our diet should have at least 30% of raw food. with high fibre content.This will reduce deposits of fat in the body, but will keep you energised throughout the day.
1.Don't ever skip a breakfast.
2.Have a glass of milk with a protein supplement everyday, twice.
3.Never forget to have a small evening snack.It may be cornflakes or a fruit.
4.Take green tea as it detoxifies.
5.Never encourage an empty stomach, as it leads to acidity and mind related issues.(Recent studies revealed that.)
6.Take buttermilk with a little salt when you feel you cannot wait till the dinner time.
7.Instant noodles.use them only during emergency.
8.Great sleep keeps your weight under check.Try to have undisturbed sleep.
9.Use small steel glasses for coffee and tea rather than big mugs.
10.Water keeps one active.Have it frequently.

General Health:-
Everyone should go for a complete check up, including dental checkup once or twice a year.
Thyroid issues are more in number nowadays, which cause obesity , underweight, depression and lack of sleep.Please go for the checkup every six months.
Friends,
This generation of ours is very fortunate in financial aspects.We spend so much money when we go out with families for shopping, movies, food, etc.Lets spend one tenth of it on regular health check ups, or health insurances (if our employers don't provide it).Think of me as too cautious, but its always better to be safe.
Kindly share if you know some tips too.
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Your dreams Vs your age.

Hi again, How have you been.Hope you are doing great.

All these days of mine were spent watching Robin Sharma's videos, Ramit Sethi's one week MBA, and other inspiring stuff.Please read Ashwin Sanghi's new book, 13 steps to Bloody Good luck.

Remember those times in teens?and childhood?We were so happy, and dreamy all the time.Some of us dream to be the best in the world in at least one aspect.Some inspire other kids too.Fast forward 20 years.We are all turning 30 or more.Some have got what they want.What about the remaining?

Which group do you belong?If you have planned really well and reached all your goals, I am really happy for you.

My concerns are for those who did not.Because I fall into that category.Welcome to the gang of Late Bloomers.

Let us see what might have gone wrong.Some unexpected illness, a tragedy in the family, financial difficulties?Or losing confidence and getting scared a midst all this?Having to take responsibilities at a young age leaving behind the dreams?Guess a lucky few have faced these, but still surged ahead..but many like me became victims of the situation.I am not encouraging that pattern of thoughts of the past.

I am looking into all of our futures.

We became self-declared average achievers secretly.We wonder in our oh so painful free time "what did I dream of? What happened?That depression keeps us away from taking a bold step into the future.
Sadly this world we live in , terms 20s as the most delicious time of life where one enjoys lots of
attention with a great career and a wedding and a child and what not.
If someone cant be a success during this period, they are termed failures.
Twenties are used to gauge a person which is so very wrong.Let's change the perception.

I was terrified about my dreams by the time I was 23.I gave up.I saw myself reaching 24, 25, and thought..may be I can't.I started living a mediocre life with no self-development activities or thoughts.

For a mentality like that, 27, 28, 29 will be the most terrible stage..as we finish another decade..reaching 30.

But in that fear itself we have to take steps to fulfill our old dreams.Because as long as we keep quiet, they will continue to torture us,Forever,

The idea I want to share with all is its never too late to re-re-restart our lives all over again.Today someone will surely humiliate us, but a year later, we humbly declare our achievements.Age doesn't matter.Mindset does.I know people who cleared the most challenging exams in 50s, Getting into ISB after retirement?Yes, a woman has done it already.

Many authors gave up their cushy well paid jobs to start writing at the age of 33, only to face rejection and insults.

Actresses like Vidya Balan have reached the top in their 30s.Chitrangada Singh dares to challenge younger heroines at 38.

Every effort we make at any age, or any time will surely lead to some great change.Please start now, as you still have a life.A saying goes"Even if you lost everything, you have your future.""No man is rich enough to buy his past".

Goal Setting and age:-

I have every right to say that we should now start goal setting for our birthdays as I have tried this and it feels fantastic.

As I turn 29 this year, I shall learn driving.

Till my birthday, I will finish that MBA.

I will be a fit guy by the time I turn 30..

These are some examples.

I truly support this self-conceived concept(:-)) as it removes any laziness in us, its very inspiring and exciting to set goals and work towards them practically.

Also, it makes every year of our life more meaningful.

Please share your valuable experiences in the comments box.
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