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Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Single this Vday?

Hope you are all doing great.
There was this much hyped Valentine's day this weekend.I am sure all enjoyed shopping, spent a great day with that special someone or with your family, gave and got nice gifts!
Still, every year, I can't help but wonder about the singletons.
I hear many of them saying how bad they feel sometimes, when they are single not by choice.
They are financially independent, great looking people, who have distinguished qualifications and careers, living in great homes, travelling all over, but some among their peers or relatives somehow succeed in making them a little sad , which is a result of jealousy over their own underachiever lives.
Sounds similar? Are you in late 20s and single or unmarried or any other situation where you have not found your perfect soulmate? Kindly read on.
Firstly, I don't know why it is called happily forever. Yes, I am gonna burst that beautiful bubble over here, and many may hate me for that. I am gonna speak the truth anyway,
Well, teenage, especially in the ending, and the early twenties could be very challenging for many.
Marriage , like every other occasion , is a part of future then.
There will be dreams of career, a great spouse and a nice lifestyle in everyone's minds in that age.
Then why do people, the society, our elders, friends, every one speak so much of a "Fairy tale romance"," A perfect life" and use such metaphors for a marriage ?
All the other things are predictable according to the present attributes.
Our job is determined by our qualification.
There cannot be great transformation unless we go for further studies or take a bold step of career change etc.That does not excite people much.
The most unpredictable thing is that soul mate.
Thats why this concept of finding the one for you is surrounded by so much enthusiasm and energy than other events of life.

That average girl who is not admired by many may find a handsome groom.
That poor girl across the street is seen by a millionaire groom and got a grand wedding.
An averagely intelligent girl got married to that space scientist from ISRO.
A guy with no mom and a drunkard dad gets a girl who sets everything right.
Apologies, but many see "lucky girls" getting all the advantage in this relation.Which is so wrong.There is no such thing as a free lunch.

I am strictly not against marriage.I am married and have a kid too.But what I don't like is the way how this society treats people who are single after a certain age. Judging someone on the basis of their life situation is something which no religion supports. In some states of our country, girls are forcibly married off at a young age as they are considered a burden.

"May be he is a gay."
"He did not settle well, so he is single".
"She has some health issues. So no one is marrying her".
"Affairs, her affairs kept her unmarried!'
"She is career crazy, no guy will ever like her".
"She is arrogant, and lazy. Well served"
"Oh, your daughter is still single at 28??I understand your pain."
"Nowadays girls are less in number.Who will marry your 35 year old boy?"
Some odd relative from your parents second cousin clan, forges ahead to show her "concern" to your parents.Why doesn't she show that concern towards herself at a funeral..she may be next!
Such people never solve a problem if we have any.They just get some energy in their boring lives by gossiping about others.

My whole point of writing about this sensitive topic is that I have seen strong people getting affected by these unwanted comments and feeling low about themselves, which is so unnecessary.
It is great that we all congratulate those who are getting married, and it is inhuman to speak bad of  those who are not.
We don't know what the other person is going through.How right is it for the so called wise elders to demean others for not getting married, or have kids late in life, or make a decision which is different from others?
It is important to have a great relationship with ourselves first. If that is missing, we will be miserable, married or not.
Worse is the treatment belted out to divorcees, or people who separated. We worship celebs who are criminals, but cannot stand that woman in the neighbourhood who left her abusive husband.
It is ok if an actor marries thrice but that woman with a second husband seems to be a murderer.
The daughter of a divorcee will surely leave her husband too, so doesn't deserve to be married.
This aspect of  harsh treatment exists throughout the country. Growth can't be achieved if this sick attitude towards our own citizens exists. No government can curb this. The Herculean task of rebuilding attitudes is our own responsibility.

I am sure many of us who are single right now, always hear at least one of these comments.
Please don't get disheartened by what people are saying.
If you have chosen this path, be happy for yourself and just don't care for others.
There is so much of life beyond getting married.Enjoy that.
If you are searching for a soul mate, I say take your own time.It happens at 18 to some. and at 33 for others.Things will happen at the right time.
If you are ambitious, then it is a great thing that you can devote so much time for your goals now.
There is no cut-off date to get married and have kids.I know many who have kids at 30 plus and had no problems.I know girls in 20s who had small complications.

Is it really a fairy tale?No problems at all once you find that "one"?How true is that?
Yes, for the first six months. Even if we have certain problems, we forget all that, as we will be deeply in that new found bliss.
Later, we find life equally challenging as it was in our single days, perhaps more.
Financial, family wise, person wise, we will face challenges which are different from person to person. We really can't judge that.
We cannot travel with little kids sometimes. We need to live on a single income and triple expenditure when that precious little one arrives. It is no doubt a joyous journey, but it has its own share of sacrifices too.
Hobbies take a back seat. None stops us from pursuing them, but we get caught in a schedule which leaves little time and energy.
I really love Titan Raaga watches new tagline"Khud se naya rishta"..depicts what a person should think of himself or herself, single or not.
Ah, how can I forget to mention "how a marriage can set everything right?". A spouse cannot bring great growth in your job, or write exams on your behalf to get you that coveted degree. Getting married doesn't make you a wealthy person unless its a well known rich family you are going into.(Forget all those nonsense serials which portray a middle class chulbuli girl being wooed and married by a Hritik Roshan look alike. Bull shit.)

Yes, they can offer support, take care of the kid when you are away, and its indeed a good thing to have someone to care for you.
But suicide "as I am 25, and still am single"??It is a true incident.
As I don't deny the fact that its good to be married, please don't get caught in a rosy picture painted by others.
Very few can change their entire self into a new person for the sake of their spouse. I still did not meet any. 
In fact, many of us balance our individuality with what the spouse wants.It is so much better.
Nothing is wrong in being single.Its either a choice or situation.
Whenever you feel low about this, remember that many are dreaming of the life you are living right now, how ever it may seem to you. Your strength determines your happiness.
Perhaps you are lucky to spend some more time with your best friends,cousins, parents and pets before you get married?!

Every stage in life comes with its own challenges.Sometimes things do take time.
Ask anyone, speak to any person whom you think has achieved certain dream soon, they have another one pending for long. Life is that way. As Indra Nooyi says "You can't have it all, but can have most of it".
Single, or married, don't overthink, stay happy, love yourself, achieve what you want, be dynamic and fit, enjoy living to the fullest!
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