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Friday, 17 July 2015

Couples(Married and unmarried) growing apart.

I am writing this at the risk of being called a shallow, materialistic woman.
Some time ago an influential person went through divorce. When asked for reason, his wife stated "We were growing apart". As a woman who always has access to gossip and gal talk, I could figure out some reasons.

1.Change in appearance.
Need not look like a superstar everyday, but strangely after some days of being so close, a phase comes where the physical appearance of the partner doesn't appeal to the other. People tend to become careless due to the rest of the reasons below, lack of time, or some kind of stress. If one points it out, in many cases leads to fights.(Parenthood is completely excluded from this, I spent a year in nighties:-))
The simple solution is to maintain a basic principle .Edit your wardrobe, find suitable colours, ask your partner to help (He/she  will gladly do it). It just takes one weekend or can devote minimum time available over a period. Get rid of the old stuff. It builds negative energy, spiritual gurus say.
Develop some new hobbies and a fitness routine. Surely helps.

2.Change in goals..
An simple person suddenly turns ambitious, a homemaker wants to pursue career ,a guy has creative pursuits, (or worse, a bad habit creeps into a couple's life.Better nip it in the bud)
The damage depends on how much of this change can the other person take. Some gladly accept it, some resent it. 
Balance and respect help a lot in resolving this conflict.

3.Change in career and places.
The quest for a better job leads to change in location. It is always a challenge to adjust. Differences in maids, schools, doctors, homes, and expenses take a while to adjust.(Ask me about it:-))
If we look at the positives, we can see that difference of culture is so beautiful. Again the amicability depends on the partner's work place. It is painful to change a job only because your spouse is relocating.

4.Arrival of kid:
 Ha! Along with joys of parenthood comes a lot of responsibility and stress. Irregular timings, financial and other responsibilities, all contribute to differences among couples
Even men are prone to post partum depression, studies reveal. It's just not funny.
Talking to other parents surely broadens one's perspective.

5. Depressed spouse: 
It is the worst situation where an already stressed out partner causes undue stress to others. Anger, silly fights and criticism to the level of harassment .It is unacceptable. The other person will choose to be at a distance. Go for help before situation worsens.  

All of these are not very easy but still within our reach to solve. We need time and effort to understand that the other person has problems with only some aspects of our life/personality, not with our entire being. It is silly to hate a person coz he or she looks bad, or doesn't support our goals. 
Why make an effort in all these material aspects when love is uncondiitional?
Coz dear, love is unconditional, but comes with a clause.(Just like other things in life)
We fight with parents, friends, relatives , but we never leave them, similarly with spouse, time and understanding solves every issue.
Disclaimer :- These are simple solutions. If problems persist better to go for counselling sessions.
The article is a general writeup , not pointing out at any one in particular.

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